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1lost1 Profile
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Minion of Mayhem

Registered: 10-2006
Posts: 2791
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Appropriate Curfew


Discussed in this house many times...

On school nights, I want the kids home. If they have something special they would like to do more times than not I do let them. Just roaming around with friends though with no particular mission, I put my foot down about it. I feel like when they are out roaming that's when they have too much time on their hands and they get into things they shouldn't.

On the weekends, our house is open to anyone who would like to pop in and visit. The kids have the whole 3rd floor and its set up pretty nice for them. We have a couple computers, Tv's, a stereo with speakers that would impress AC/DC :) , they have the game systems they like- they have what I consider a very nice set up. Anyone can come and go up to 11:00 -at the time those that are here need to stay and those that can't or don't want to stay need to scoot home. They can be up all night if they like. If they wake the baby that's an automatic lights out. We've never had that happen though. Both boys think my 11:00 rule is very old fashioned. But we do have a baby in the house so her needs have to be respected. Additionally when it gets to be that time, I like to run the kids home in the vehicle- I don't feel its safe for them to roam the streets. I don't want my boys visiting a friends house and them to be able to roam all night, so I try to do the same for the kids that come here.

On the weekends I have had kids stop here at 12:00 / 1:00 am just as if it was 7:00.

How do you guys handle it?

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Mayhem of Motherhood
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Apr/16/2007, 11:03 pm Link to this post Send PM to 1lost1 Yahoo
 
bnlred Profile
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Registered: 07-2006
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Re: Appropriate Curfew


Thats tough. Since my little guy is only 5, the advice I would give you comes from my nieces and nephew and my child psych and development classes I took in nursing school undergrad (I actually thought of going into peds at one point):

Sounds like the kids that stop by really feel comfortable with you so I guess I would try talking to them one-on-one. Find out why they are still out and about, if their parents know, if there are problems at home as to why they don't want to go home. etc. Explain about the baby and it'll all show them you respect them and are treating them as mature individuals, but asking for some accountability. Kids, of all ages, want discipline, limits, and rules- even when they rebel or complain- because they know where they stand and what your expectations of them are and it actually makes them feel secure. Sounds like these other kids look up to you as a surrogate mom and would take what you request of them seriously. Just my 2 cents, hope that helps even a little. :)
Apr/17/2007, 10:26 am Link to this post Send PM to bnlred
 
1lost1 Profile
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Minion of Mayhem

Registered: 10-2006
Posts: 2791
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Re: Appropriate Curfew


It honestly seems like these kids have no curfew. Because they are always bee bopping around town regardless the hour. The boys have explained the kids are allowed to come and go as they like between the houses of the friends who live close to them (within a few blocks). Last weekend at 1:00 am 3 of them thought nothing of zipping off to the all night convenience store to get change for cards. Luckily I had change. Zak explains he is 6' 2" and 200 pounds nobody is going to abduct him and he thinks I am too strict with the curfew, but I can't help it I just hate for them to roam the streets at that time of night. If he were 17 and Mr. Universe I would feel the same way. When they go to someone's house and I ask if there will be a parent there they look at me like I am out of my pea picking mind, lol. And I notice certain kids will be with us all weekend and the parents never call to check on them. I just find it odd that at the ages mine are at kids of the same age don't have to check in and be home at a certain time. Maybe I am old fashioned but I couldn't sleep at night if I didn't know where the kids were, who they were with and what they were doing.

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Mayhem of Motherhood
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Apr/17/2007, 10:52 am Link to this post Send PM to 1lost1 Yahoo
 
bnlred Profile
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Re: Appropriate Curfew


Just a question, but is there a legal curfew where you live for kids under age? I would worry about the cops picking them up, etc. As for kidnapping, sure they may be big, but their judgment is still young and as we know, there are lots of situations kids can get into and not even see it coming. Keep reinforcing that you love them and want to know where they are- you are on the right course.
Apr/17/2007, 11:17 am Link to this post Send PM to bnlred
 
FeedYourHead Profile
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Registered: 05-2006
Location: NorCal
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Re: Appropriate Curfew


wow!
I certainly don't think you are unreasonable to want them in by 11 unless there is somewhere specific to be

my mom was always pretty lenient - but then again - she did want to know where I was and what I was doing, and I was good about letting her know - I agree that they don't need to be 'roaming' past 11, and don't know about parents who are ok with that

I don't know how to advise you about the kids that drop by at all hours - red's advice sounds good to me
good luck - let us know how it goes ...

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Apr/18/2007, 3:00 am Link to this post Send PM to FeedYourHead MSN
 
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Registered: 11-2006
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Re: Appropriate Curfew


 
quote:

Both boys think my 11:00 rule



Wow - 11pm!! That's v.late in our house! Mind you our eldest is only 13.5yrs but he has lights out at 9.45pm on school nights and 10pm at w/end. We live way out in the country side so no neighbours etc so I guess from curfew's etc we've had it easy so far. I reckon once our girls come of age we'll be chauffering them into town for dances etc but our whole house are early to bed people so I don't think it will ever go to the late hours. Will have to see...one thing with parenthood is that it never goes they way ya think it will :ROFL

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Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.
Oscar Wilde
Apr/21/2007, 2:01 pm Link to this post Send PM to suzidfloosey
 
1lost1 Profile
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Minion of Mayhem

Registered: 10-2006
Posts: 2791
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Re: Appropriate Curfew


Our town has a 10:00 pm curfew for all underage without a work pass. Mine aren't allowed on the streets until 11:00 that's just the time I won't allow people to go and go- its the magical witching hour for visitors.

If they don't have anything to do I want them home. If they have something to do that runs later in the evening, I pick them up- even if they are a few blocks away. Too many lunatics running wild on the streets & I worry even if my oldest is 6'2" and 200 pounds... things can happen.

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Mayhem of Motherhood
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Apr/21/2007, 2:11 pm Link to this post Send PM to 1lost1 Yahoo
 
Onyx2201 Profile
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Registered: 07-2006
Location: An alternate state of attitude
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Re: Appropriate Curfew


Your curfew is quite reasonable. We had a phone curfew with our kids no calls after 9 pm. Of course that was before cell phones. My boys appreciate now that they had rules and standards. Back to phones id my kids did have cell phones and were young I would take them up and recharge them in my room so they don't talk and IM all night

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Life is a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death.
-Auntie Mame
Apr/29/2007, 1:49 am Link to this post Send PM to Onyx2201
 
somerled Profile
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Re: Appropriate Curfew


When my little girl is this old she is going to be in a room with the door dogged shut so she can't get out. Also no one will dare do anything to her. Her dad, grampa, and uncle all have guns and know how to use them....I will show them to any boy who sniffs after her too.
Apr/29/2007, 3:14 am Link to this post Send PM to somerled
 
1lost1 Profile
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Minion of Mayhem

Registered: 10-2006
Posts: 2791
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Re: Appropriate Curfew


The boys both have cell phones... about 2 years ago there was a murder on our block and it scared me. I passed the house every night coming home from work and a man and his family were usually out their porch waved back and forth a million times, if we out doing yard work polite hellos were exchanged and a bit of small talk. His ex wife lived in a duplex on the alley behind our home. I woke up one morning very early had to get to work and when I went out to the car it looked like an alien invasion. The dark sky was all lit up I saw satellite dishes raised. I honestly didn't know what was going on and had to get to work. Come to find out that man had murdered his wife. It was a little to0 close to home and scared me. To that point I had bucked the cell phone, I didn't see a reason for them, we had a home phone & for work I have to carry a cell as I am on call 24/7, 365. There was never a time the boys couldn't get a hold of. That tragedy changed things though. So they each carry one. They aren't much for talking on them, so that really hasn't been an issue. I notice now that my oldest has a curfew he has begun texting & it drives me batty, but I guess that's the "thing" now.

My brother says he is locking his little girl away from the real world as well. Dear Lord I can't even think about how crazy thing will be when the little ones get to this age. Saw a girl the other day couldn't have been more than 11 in a mini skirt that I know her buns were catching a sunburn in. I almost stopped and said something, but a person does have to tnd to their own I guess.

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Mayhem of Motherhood
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Apr/29/2007, 9:18 am Link to this post Send PM to 1lost1 Yahoo
 


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